Damn all you mommy bloggers.

I am a very hard worker and most days am laser-freaking-focused on the task at hand, but every now and then my mind takes a little walk and I just can’t seem to get a thing done. On those days I spend way too long on Facebook and inevitably peruse a few of those infamous blogs de mamme. You know the ones about fashion and fun and frolic? They’re all very cutesy and have instructions on how to “spruce up” a toddler’s bedroom with a horse drawn chariot made entirely out of chicken wire. I hate those people. Seriously. IF I had the creative wherewithal to come up with a pattern for a lovely and slimming kitchen apron featuring vintage fabrics salvaged from file 13 at the Salvation Army, I would not know how to sew it. And IF I had a glue gun I WOULD NOT DARE heat the sucker up during the light of day.

Is something wrong with me?

Am I not normal?

Is there a website where one can purchase more hours for the day and a little extra energy to go beyond just heating the dino-shaped chicken nuggets? I’d LOVE to decorate cakes for the sick and shut in, and create jewelry that expresses my concern for women’s equality, but who has the time? I can’t even keep up with who got voted off Dancing with the freaking Stars.

Come on all you creative people, fess up. Martha Stewart’s got an army helping her keep it all together. Are you running a sweat shop out back by the barn???