I’ve been attending the local chapter of the National Speakers Association to hone my presentin’ skillz, and I must say that the organization draws a unique crowd. Last night we heard from local Chad Hymas, who is awesome, but had me participate in a random “exercise” to illustrate a point about our need to give more and take less. Chad’s a paraplegic, and talked about our need to change our habits in order to conquer life’s obstacles. Anyway, he asked me to volunteer in this little project where he had me try to take a drink from a water bottle without using my hands.
And suddenly there I was, barefoot on the floor trying to unscrew the lid from a water bottle with my teeth.
I am not the most limber of people, and was therefore praying the whole time that all those Fiber One bars I’ve been eating since joining Weight Watchers would not cause a major flatulation, and that if said occurrence were to happen, former Utah Jazz basketball great Mark Eaton (who is 7’ 4” and was seated right next to my hunched frame) would not hear it. Luckily, the other dude who was also participating in operation embarrassing as hell soon discovered that the best way to drink from a bottle without hands is to simply ask for help. Some little old Relief Society lady opened his bottle and gave him a drink, then the whole crowd turned to stare at me. And Mark. Who then had to pry my bottle from my stinky flats feet and then give me a sip as well.
Too bad it wasn’t Kobe.
White Girl Radio Show 
Love it! I still think the title of this post should’ve been “Bottle Fed from Mark Eaton”